As this blog has had a rather boarder-centric bias so far it’s about time us skiers had a say – after all if it wasn’t for us there wouldn’t be any snowboarders, right? Anyway here’s a few useful skiing terms explained, many of which also apply to boarders – if you have any more to add please send ‘em my way. Thanks to Rob aka “Loose Moose” for his contributions to this article. AIRFIX WIPE-OUT Coming apart in kit form – the best Airfix Wipe-outs will involve parting company with both skis, both poles and a hat / goggles / sunglasses / gloves as well. Tamiya Wipe-outs just aren’t as much fun. NB if your skiing buddy has just suffered an Airfix Wipe-out you should… #1 have a good laugh at their expense; #2 only then express any concern in case of injury. BLOOD WAGON Stretcher used to ferry injured skiers down the mountain. BRAILLE SKIING Feeling your way down the piste in flat light by reading the bumps rather than being able to see where you are going. See also: “Labrador skiing” / “Using the force” / “Skiing with a white stick”. CAUGHT A TIP A alternative to “losing an edge” usually occurring in deep powder, moguls or spring snow. DEATH COOKIE A solid chunk of ice, usually created by a piste basher. Hitting a Death Cookie unexpectedly may cause a skier or boarder to lose an edge. DR EVIL To drink schnapps or other ski improvement juice in a “goofy” manner (little finger on top, thumb underneath the shot glass – the reverse of the approved method in bluffer’s guide to snowboarding) – see also evil genius bent on world domination. DUMP Noun or verb relating to a heavy snowfall. “We’re due a good dump on Thursday”. “It’s been dumping down all night”. DUSTING Stopping while digging in hard immediately adjacent to a fellow skier or boarder in order to cover them with a cloud of loose snow. Irritating? Yes. Childish? Yes. Predictable? Yes. Extremely entertaining for the perpetrator? Oh yes. FACE PLANT Leaving an unwarranted perfectly formed 'mirror' image of yours truly in deep powder snow after “losing a tip”. FLAMIN' MOGUL Canadian après ski beverage – the recipe is a closely guarded secret but seems to contain liberal quantities of hot chocolate, cream and an extremely large measure of rum and goes down very well with a beer chaser. FLAT LIGHT Usually occurs in cloudy and/or snowy conditions – the sky is white, the snow is white and it is impossible to distinguish one from the other rendering the contours of the slope effectively invisible. Ski with caution. Talking about skiing in “flat light” will always make you sound knowledgeable in après ski circles. FOAMING AT THE MOUTH SKIING Reckless skiing. Skiing with scant regard to personal safety. Skiing hard. Skiing fast. FOUR O’CLOCK ANTS A late afternoon deluge of lemmings – best avoided by having a few drinks up the mountain before skiing down late shortly before the piste patrol. FRESH TRACKS The first ski or board marks made in fresh powder. The holy grail to any self respecting advanced skier or boarder – a feeling like no other. GAYS ON TRAYS Skiers’ slang for snowboarders. HAIL A TAXI / TAKE A TAXI Skating while towing a boarder hanging onto the business end of your ski pole across a flat bit of ground. The boarder should first “hail a taxi”. KAMIKAZE WIPE-OUT Sacrificing your own dignity in an attempt to take down another skier or boarder. LEMMING An inexperienced skier blatantly out of their depth attempting to descend a slope (usually rather timidly) that is technically much too difficult for them. LOSING AN EDGE A socially acceptable way of admitting that you lost control and fell over. A typical story over a few après ski beverages might go something like this… “One moment I was schussing down the hill in complete control, the next I was momentarily became distracted by the second coming of Christ a few hundred yards to my left, clipped a death cookie AND I LOST AN EDGE.” MEDECINA Ski improvement juice made from pine cones and Grappa and served only at the Medecina bar. I could tell you where to find it but I’d have to kill you. MOOSERWIRT / “TO MOOSERWIRT” Named after the legendary piste-side watering hole in St Anton this is a verb loosely meaning attempting to ski after 7 or 8 pints of lager with Jaegermeister chasers. I could not possibly condone such a practise you understand. PANCAKE Normally occurs when skiing at increased velocity in flat light at a steep gradient and then hitting a level path of track (which is masked by the flat light); it is easy to understand the subsequent impact which resembles an "airfix model effect". PENGUINS A group of boarders sat on the snow – often in a very dangerous and obstructive spot right slap bang in the middle of a piste. “Those penguins are in need of a good dusting”. PORRIDGE Spring Snow. See also: “This piste has been sponsored by Quaker”. ROLLERS See Whoop-De-Whoops SCHUSS Skiing at speed in a straight line / racing tuck position, often in order to cross a flat patch without skating or poling. SKATING A similar technique to ice skating to enable a skier to cross a flat bit of ground without poling / taking off your skis and walking. One of the best arguments in favour of skiing rather than boarding. SKI IMPROVEMENT JUICE Anything that can be swigged from a hip flask on a chair lift to take the edge off inclement weather and / or induce foaming at the mouth skiing. My personal preference is for a decent Scottish or Irish malt whiskey (10 or 16 year old Bushmills does the trick) – Jaegermeister is also extremely effective. SKIED OUT Fresh powder that has been skied and skied again until there no fresh tracks to be had. SPRING SNOW Thick gloopy snow typically found later in the season or on slopes that have caught the sun for several hours – hard work on the thighs, knees and ankles. TWO PLANKER W*NKERS US snowboarders’ slang for skiers. WHOOP-DE-WHOOPS Onomatopoeic term for a series of bumps in quick succession, usually found on a fairly gentle gradient of piste – can be hazardous when hit unexpectedly at high speed. Next time: some advice on skiing with boarders or boarding with skiers in perfect harmony.